THE Quinoa Bean Salad...Yes. THAT one.

Down below, I'll give the recipe of something I made tonight. It wasn't anything fancy. If you've ever been to a potluck where I've brought anything in the past 3 years, it's almost certainly been my Quinoa Bean Salad. You poor souls at Punky's school are probably sick to death of that huge pyrex container that shows up at all the luncheons and potlucks and cultural dinners. People who live with me are sick to death of it...BUT NO THEY AREN'T. Because it is fucking amazing! It's good for all meals and great for after a workout. It's perfect for taking for lunch. It's cheap. It's easy. It's great with hot sauce all over it. It's TOTALLY a Honeybuns Classic. Can I get an amen from those of you who've had it? Seriously...everybody likes this. It's also pretty easily modifiable. It's gluten-free and vegan. It's soy, corn, and nut free. It's perfect for potlucks. Man...this entry is boring so far.

BUT that is not really what I want to talk about the most today. I will give you the recipe. It's nothing fancy or special.

I want to talk to you about this.

Chaos

Bowl on stove. Computer about to fall off cutting board. Garbage in sink and all over counter. Things are not organized and I can't find anything. I don't think the pictures quite capture it.

I've worked in a few restaurant kitchens in my time. I learned quickly that you have to keep your station clean and organized. When we got really busy, one of the most important things for me was to keep up on cleaning shit as I went along. I'd have like 5 of those white bar towels. Things can get a little disorganized but cleaning up and tidying and keeping track of that stuff has to be part of the program, at least for me it did. I could tell we were in the weeds--or I was in the weeds--when shit started to pile up and it got messy. 1/6th pans pulled halfway out of the rack, doors of fridges open. Dressing lying on its side. Dirty dishes everywhere, including the floor. Etc. See up there? That's me in the weeds. Normally, I have a great system in which I'm coordinating the order of dishes and knives to use. Things are washed as I go along. Room is made in appropriate places for various implements and foodstuffs. Tonight, that was impossible. Shit was everywhere, nothing was organized and it showed. My roasted cauliflower was a little overdone as was the smoky tofu. The bean salad did not turn out as good as it usually does and Punky said it best when he said "This doesn't taste the same." It took forever to clean up the kitchen.

So, why did this happen, Tempehest? I noticed what you see in those pictures. I noticed and I paused. I knew that I am normally very good at taking care of the mess and organizing everything as I go. It's one of the ways I get satisfaction from cooking. I thought, "I'm not in the weeds. It's not late. Punky is happily playing. I have nowhere to be. Why does the kitchen look like this?"

When my therapist asks me what makes me feel grounded and when I try to think of when I feel tallest, happiest, most confident and best I always envision cooking. This is not because I'm a great cook, necessarily. I'm a pretty good whip-it-up cook. No, it's because I can feel my feet on the floor and see my hands chop with a knife and have a systematic way of being and doing. It's systematic yet creative. It's tactile and full of the 6 senses (umami FTW). POOF I come up with something that nurtures the people I love. I can summon that confident and satisfied feeling as I sit here now. I can feel the texture of tofu, smell the shallot. I can see myself poking around in my spice cupboard.

So when the place where I feel happiest and most confident looks like this (ok, that's a wee bit of exaggeration), I know that I'm not taking care of myself and that there is chaos inside too. I'm not feeling so sparky in my head the past few days. Not on my game. Pretty wobbly. I'm trying really hard to maintain and be positive, but generally not feeling very grounded or centered or happy, frankly. This is to be expected when you start working more hours, don't get enough sleep, drink too much wine and vodka and gin, and are going through a divorce. I couldn't keep up on...anything it felt like... tonight. I felt confused and clouded and made silly mistakes as I cooked.

My kitchen and my cooking is a window into me, apparently. I learned this tonight.

So, from now on I will ask myself as I cook "Does it look like Thunderdome in here?" If so I will ask "What do I need to do in this room and inside Ms. Honeybuns to tidy the chaos and prevent violent anarchy?"

Recipe time.

The Tempehest's Quinoa (pronounced Kwin-oh-ah)* Bean Salad 
Remember how I said in the caveats entry that I don't really measure? This recipe is a good example of one in which I have never, ever measured (except the quinoa) and will have to guess what the ratios and stuff are. The important part of this is: You're making an herb vinaigrette and tossing around a bunch of stuff in that.

Note: there is nothing sweet in here. I think that would make it vile. But if you try it and it's good, let me know!

Basic rule of thumb: You can always add more. You can't add less! So try it first. It's easy to add more oil or vinegar. Once it's in there, it's there to stay.

Ingredients in-short: Quinoa, water, shallot, cilantro, 3 cans of beans (garbanzo, black, dark kidney), red wine vinegar, olive oil, can of artichoke hearts, lemon juice, salt, pepper, maybe dried Italian herbs. Also, a really big glass bowl with a lid.

What you will do:

1. Put 1 cup quinoa and 1.5-1.75 cups water in saucepan and bring to a boil. Quickly bring it down to a simmer and cook it for 15-20 minutes. Check it after 15 by tilting pan to see if water is still rolling around. Don't check too often or you'll let out too much steam.

2. While it's cooking you will make your herb vinaigrette. Make the vinaigrette IN the big glass bowl! Why make another dish to wash?!

3. Put in the big glass bowl that has a lid:
1/2 cup - 2/3 cup GOOD extra virgin olive oil ((DON'T SKIMP ON YOUR OLIVE OIL. FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS DON'T SKIMP ON THE BRAND AND TYPE OF OLIVE OIL.)**
1/2 cup - 2/3 cup red wine vinegar
1/2 teaspoon to 1 and 1/2 tsp salt 
an assload of FRESH GROUND pepper (stay away from that crap that is already ground). 

Yes I know those proportions are way off for a real vinaigrette but this salad is really tangy and you want that much vinegar. You might even want more. And also, remember that I never measure this so feel free to tweak it to your liking.

4. Mince and chop up 
at least a cup of packed cilantro
and throw it in the bowl  (or parsley or other fresh herbs if you really hate cilantro, weirdo). It will be 1/3-1/2 cup once you've minced it. It's hard to have too much.
Optional: dried Italian herbs, herbes de provence, etc.

5. Mince:
1 good sized shallot. Mince it up really small. You want lots of surface area and lots of bits so it really permeates the salad. Besides, no one likes to get a big huge chunk of onion or shallot. Hey! You made a vinaigrette!

I have used red onion instead and find it is a little rasty and sharp. It works but only marginally. Green onions are ok but not quite rasty enough. Raw garlic is way too much for me and remember, I'm vegan so that's saying something. You need a certain piquante level of rast that is hard to articulate but you know it when you have it. That's not very helpful.

6. Rinse the beans really well. REALLY WELL or you and everyone with whom you share a tight and enclosed space will regret it. If you were really smart and made your beans from dried ones, well fucking bully for you for being so organized and suzy homemaker. I keep canned ones around for this kind of thing. Don't put them in yet!
Wait for it...wait for it.....

7. Now the quinoa is almost done. When it is done (it should be fluffy, water should be gone) put it in the vinaigrette. It's hot and the vinaigrette will really get in there and season the quinoa. Toss it around a lot.

8. NOW add the beans and toss that salad (*snicker*) around a lot.

9. Then drain the artichoke hearts. Cut them into 8ths. So, put the flowery part face down on the cutting board and cut it into quarters from up above and then crosscut the quarters. Or just chop them up however you want. Whatever. Throw them in. Toss it all around.

10. Now add maybe 2 Tablespoons of lemon juice. Taste it!

11. Now chill it. Stir it around and taste it again.....It probably needs salt and more vinegar or lemon juice. Tweak it.

Dude, kids like this. Omnivores like this. Really. It's damn good. And I came up with it all on my own when I was first becoming vegan. It's like an old friend. And now it can be your friend too! :)

Variations:
-different grain (brown rice, bulgar wheat, couscous, israeli couscous, millet, farro...etc)
-different fresh herb
-mustard
-horseradish (?!)
-different aromatic if you want to try onion or something
-add cucumber, peppers, or sweet potato curls
-add massaged kale
-maybe raisins although it makes me gaggy thinking about it
-hot peppers

What else??? Share in the comments, eh?






*I know that's not how you say it. I hate how they spell it phonetically everywhere so I thought I'd initiate a trend to start saying it wrong.
**Other things you should never ever skimp on: black pepper/corns, chocolate, coffee, tea, rice, flour (King Arthur ALL the way), liquor, beer. I think skimping on wine is fine. As long as it doesn't make me shudder, I think it is passable. I know many will argue with me on that point.